Ciudad Victoria continued...finally...

Thursday morning rolled around and we meet again at Juventud por Cristo. After loading up our supplies, new friends of ours, Daniele and Karen, took us out for community outreach in a nearby area named La Moderna. As we traveled out, they explained to us that La Moderna is community located in the southwest corner of Victoria on other side of a water runoff that separates them from the main part of the city. Normally, this run off is a blessing to the city, preventing flooding from occuring when water comes down from the Sierra Madre mountains, which surrounds Victoria. Unfortunately, the roughly 50 yard wide ravine which runs alongside the edge of the main city was no match for Hurricane Alex when it swept through a little over 2 months ago. As a result La Moderna was left isolated without help and with no way in or out for roughly a week following the hurricane. As we entered La Moderna, my heart became very heavy. It was very difficult to distinguish between damage caused by the hurricane and what appeared to be normal living conditions. I had no idea what poverty actually looked like until we entered the area.

We made our way through the streets, which is a relative term for the hard rocky surface we drive on, to a small stucco building named Mission de La Moderna. Our goal at the mission was to go out into the community delivering food and clothes. We soon found that there was no need to go out, as word had traveled fast and the community came to us. We quickly found ourselves surrounded by a large group of people waiting patiently for the little assistance we could offer. One man stood out as he was searching somewhat desperately for a particular item. He had already collected quite a few items so we tried to see if we could help. It turns out that he had a family of about 12 people total, including parents, brothers and sisters and five of his own children. He had quite a load to carry so a few of us traveled down to his home with him to help him out. Along the way he kept pointing to my shoes trying to ask a question. It turns out he was asking if we brought any shoes in size, the item he had been searching for. I then noticed the worn down undersized pair of Croc type shoes he was wearing. Unfortunately we mostly only had childrens shoes. Come to find out, most of the men in the area try to find work when it is available, but most are unable to. So many of the men in the area seek work at the local landfill, which pays next to nothing. Such was the story for this man. All he was seeking was a good pair of shoe to work in.

Upon our return to the mission our group split up to travel to the homes of two families who were unable to come to the mission. The team I was on walked up to a lady's home on the side of a small mountain. She too, like the man described above, lived in a shelter that was little more than scrap wood covered by anything that could be found to keep water out. After spending some time with the woman and her family we asked if we could pray for her. Through Daniele we learned that about the same time as Hurricane Alex struck, she lost her husband to a heart attack. The exact details were a little lost in translation, but she asked us to pray for her due to financial struggles. Her husband appeared to have been the main support of income and now with him gone she was having some trouble affording even food to live on. On top of that she still owed for his funeral expenses and had no way of paying them. After praying with the woman she hugged us all and told us that although her husband is gone, she continues to live in hope, knowing that through God she is never alone.

After meeting up with the rest of the group, we traveled to a home that our build team was working on. Given the work that was left to do on the home I stuck with them while the rest of the community outreach group went back to the Juventud por Cristo building to assist with preparations for the next day. I traveled around the back of the house where the work was being done to find out that we weren't just repairing a home, we were essentially building one. The woman's home had been completely demolished by Hurricane Alex. All that remained was an open three walled room measuring roughly 10 feet long by 3 feet wide. She had been living outdoors essentially since the storm. While we were happy to be putting a roof over her head, my heart continued to sink. Given the time we had and the limited materials we were given little more could be done than to build what amounted to a car port, an open space with a tin roof and a dirt floor. We did not even have enough to put up exterior walls.

That night I was tremendously burdened as I began to process the day. I thought about how selfishly I live. Kristi and I could make very small sacrifices in our lives that would mean a tremendously better living situation for a good part of the families we came in contact with that day. But even at that we would only make a small dent in that one community, not to mention the insignificant impact we would make on the world. The physical needs were too big and our resources were too small. I then thought about what the woman living on the side of the small mountain had said. "I continue to live in hope, knowing that through God I am never alone." The concept of the body and power of God became more real to me in that moment than ever before. We serve a God who has unlimited resources and who has blessed his family in order that they bless others. Sadly few, including myself, ever make even small concessions in life to drop our own self consuming nature and live a self sacrificing life. Passages like Matthew 9:35 - 38 and James 2:14-17 poured into my mind that night. It became very real to me at that time my burdened heart was my calling to act.

Ciudad Victoria - Dia Uno

While I had hoped to write daily during our stay in Victoria, our schedule and the limited availability of the hotel computers prevented me from doing so. Nevertheless, I journaled our experiences in a notebook I had in the event they left my memory, although I doubt they ever will. We had such an incredible, life-changing experience while in the city and I could not wait to get home to share some of our adventure.

DAY ONE

Well it only took two flights, a bus, and roughly 12 hours but we finally made it to Ciudad Victoria Wednesday evening. Traveling into the city, my thoughts ran wild. As a local friend here told us, ¨This is not the Mexico you are used to, "He was right, no beach, no resorts, no crystal blue water." However, I couldn't help but be drawn in by a beauty of a different kind. I commented to Kristi as we drove in, that despite appearing unkept and somewhat out of date, the city had a certain comfort to it. Old stucco and brick buildings, some painted in vibrant colors, street vendors out selling fruit, ice cream, tacos, etc. and families sitting outside in 100 degree heat, seemingly just enjoying each others company. The charm of the old city was great, but I had little idea of what was to come.

Wednesday evening we were taken by our friend, Alex, to Juventud por Cristo's building to prep for the next day. Several of the student leaders worked with us as we split up in our teams of construction, Wheels of Hope, and community outreach. The night was a blast. Given the obvious language barrier, we tried to communicate as best as we could in an almost caveman-like fashion, pointing or grunting to objects repeating over and over, "Como se dice_____?" One of our new friends, Elena, had an especially fun time with this by repeating every botched attempt we made to pronounce words correctly followed by what I can only describe as an uncontrollable belly laugh. Upon completion we returned to our hotel for what was supposed to be a great night's sleep. Unfortunately excitement and nervousness filled that night more than slumber.

How He Loves Us...

Sorry for not writing in awhile. Good things have been happening here but I just haven't felt like anything was note worthy, until tonight. I tend to make fun of the people on facebook who just post up random lyrics to songs daily, but today I am one of those people. Tonight at church we sang a song by David Crowder called "How He Loves Us." I have heard it a few times and liked the song but tonight the words hit me like a ton of bricks. Below you will find the verses.

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realise just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way…

He Loves Us

"If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking," struck me the most. No greater insight here. I think it speaks for itself. He loves us, oh how he loves us.

THE MAN BED!!!

There is a point in every male's life when he must take steps which eventually lead him away from being a boy and lead him towards being a man. Now some of you who know my son, Grayson, already know that in some ways he is already more of a man than most, forget the fact that he is holding a butterfly wand. However tonight he will take just one more step into manhood. Tonight my beloved son will move from the crib to THE MAN BED.

As I said above, Grayson has proven thus far in life to be what most parents would term "all boy." He likes sports, cars, red meat and destroying things. Apparently this past week he also

felt the need to show off his ripped bod by repeatedly taking his shirt off for his teacher at school and throwing it at her in an effort to get her to notice his washboard abs. So, being a proud father I could not let my son just move into any bed. It had to be masculine, it had to be extreme, it had to be legendary. So with the help of the little man himself we began

building "The MAN bed."

With 10" rigid pneumatic tires, a few 2x4's, and some heavy duty power tools in hand we did what all men were made to do, build. Unfortunately, due to "the man" keeping us down with work, it took two weekends to complete our endeavour. but nevertheless, we prevailed and tonight my little stud will reap the benefits.

Now my dreams were that this wonderful wooden masterpiece would only inspire dreams of Grayson's future Heisman and the conquering of The Big Texan 72oz steak. However, with the help of his big sister, my little man also found that a bed on wheels can also make for great transportation. Nevertheless,

dream well my son, for tonight you are the man.

On 30...

Okay, so, sorry for ignoring you blog. I guess my little angel going off to school choked me up a little more that I had anticipated. That and football has been on. But, alas, my pondering mind has brought me back to you to share in the most recent milestone of my life.

About two weeks ago the whole world came crashing down as I was thrung into the wretched stage of life known as 30. Dun, dun, dun!!! I mean come on, now I'm part of the age group who has to eat their Luann platter at 4 o'clock so that they can make it home in time for "The Wheel" and bedtime at 7:30. Just go ahead and put me in Depends and a Rascal!!! Life is just downhill from here, or so I thought. It turns out that 30 is not so bad. In fact, it may just be the climax of life. Let me explain.

For my birthday the love of my life, once again, gave me a gift that all husbands should get for their birthday. No, not that, this is a family blog. Get your minds out of the gutter. (BTW YES THAT TOO!!!) I am talking about BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!!! Okay, here's the premise. From Friday afternoon through Sunday night the husband, as the recipient of "birthday weekend," has no responsibilities. No cooking, no cleaning, no giving kids baths, no putting kids to bed and no changing of diapers. In addition to that, I was blessed with a visit by the holy trinity of tex-mex: Chiloso for breakfast, Taco Cabana for lunch and El Paseo for dinner. In the name of tacos, enchiladas, and salsa, Amen. (If you never see me again, I was struck by lightning for that comment.)

Aside from getting to be lazy and eating the food touched by God, I had a great opportunity to practice the three R's: Rest, Relaxation, Reflection. As I went out for a morning run, I began to ruminate about the past thirty years. Thoughts began to flow through my head about goals and dreams that I once had and whether or not I had accomplished any of them. As I remembered defining moments in my life, I began to realize that life just hadn't quite turned out like I had planned. At 8 I was going to be Dallas Cowboy, at 15 I planned on becoming a youth minister, at 22 Kristi and I were going to get married and move off to San Francisco to prepare for a life overseas, at 24 we were going to be the "cool parents" who never uttered the words "because I said so." Between then and now I have aspired to do everything from being an attorney to owning a cupcake business. (The cupcake thing is still not a bad idea.) We all go through these times, times when we aspire to be something greater than we are, times when our dreams and our realities just don't match up, times when we wonder "Have I given up on _______?"

Now, you may be thinking that this realization was depressing, but your wrong. You see, thirty is a unique place in life. I may joke about "The Wheel" and Depends, but in all honesty, thirty is great. At 30 you are just young enough to still follow the passions of your heart, yet just old enough to allow failures and life lessons prepare you for the future. I've never been one to let failures get me down. Stuff happens in life, and just because it is not exactly how I pictured things doesn't mean that I am not being divinely lead to the exact place I need to be. By the way, his thinking is explained alot better in a message I heard this last weekend. Check it out if you get a chance Hostage: Breaking Free.

All that being said, towards the end of my run I figured out that, regardless of age, the next 30 years is something I am really looking forward to. As God continues to show me a little more about how the desires of my heart can match the desires of his great things are going to happen. In fact I am hoping to tell you guys about some specific things God has placed on my heart over the next month or two. Stay tuned my friends, same bat channel, same bat place, but next time is won't be the same bat six months.

There must have been something in my eyes...

It started out like any normal day. My alarm clock (AKA Kristi) went off at 5:00 AM. I arose tired once more with a bad case of the Mondays. The sounds of the bottomless pit known as Grayson's stomach could be heard from down the hall, wailing to be satisfied with the greatness of milk and waffles. Man that kid can eat! After getting myself ready I moved into Abi's room, as I had many times before. Kristi apparently had already made an unsuccessful attempt at waking Sleeping Beauty from her comatose dream land of rainbows and unicorns. As Abi arose, also apparently with a bad case of the Mondays, we cordially smiled and shared a hug both likely wondering, "Why can't we just sleep in and survive off of being awesome." Unfortunately, awesomeness neither contributes to society nor keeps the electricity on. As we drug ourselves down the hall to the kitchen we both knew that this was no ordinary day. Today was just a little different. Today was Abi's first day of kindergarten.

In all honesty I knew that today was different and I was excited and proud of my little girl who was now going to "big school." However, I had already made it through Kindergarten Roundup and Meet the Teacher night with little more than the slight feeling of satisfaction that I had managed to keep my Sweets alive for the past five years (more than I can say for my vegetable garden) and, in all candor, happiness that I no longer had to pay for day care. Surely today's event would not be much different than those things. I would keep my composure with relative ease being the strong rock for my nervous little girl and my heartbroken wife to lean on.

So after breakfast we took off with one last request from mommy; to take lots of pictures since she would have to be in her room greeting her 3rd graders. Our ride to school was uneventful as we discussed why the Jonas Brothers sound like they're crying when they sing and why Hannah Montana is not always the best role model. (We're more of an ICarly household) Again, still just another normal day with a little excitement about school. Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen.

We rolled up to the rapidly filling parking lot of James and Margie Marion Elementary. I went to open Abi's door and as she stepped out of the car with book bag in hand my heart skipped a beat. Thinking it was just nostalgia or maybe the coffee I had just guzzled I gathered myself and moved on to the front of the school to take pictures. There we sat eagerly waiting for the front doors to open. I was still okay, still proud, still happy, but still thinking this was somewhat a normal day. The doors opened and the mob of parents and kids shuffled in. We quickly made a detour to go give mommy a hug and a first day of school Starbucks surprise. Finally, camera in hand we moved on through the halls with flashes going off everywhere as if the kids were celebrities being chased by paparazzi. As we moved closer to the beehive themed entrance of Ms. Hall's door that skipping heartbeat thing started again. Only this time it didn't stop. With slightly shaking hands I took one more shot with Abi at the door. Then it happened. I can only describe the physical feeling as the same feeling I felt when a 300lb+ lineman named Dustin Holmes laid me out in high school two-a-days. My breath was literally taken from me. In a matter of nanoseconds the past five years flashed through my mind and something must have flown into my eyes as they started to water just a bit.

Okay so I lie, I was crying like two year old girl. All the while this strong rock's heart broken wife was 100yds away in her own classroom unable to console me. In addition my "nervous little girl" was standing in the doorway now, arms folded, saying, "Daddy, hurry up with the picture, I need to go sit down." I walked her to her chair and gave her one last hug that very likely cracked a rib or two. Unlike last week's introductory events, she would stay and I would leave with nothing more than a long car ride to work to calm down.

I used to think that my mission as a parent was to ultimately guide my children to be mature enough to leave our home. Today I feel like I need my children to guide me to a place where I can bear to let them go.

Sweets, Daddy loves you immensely. I am so proud of who you are and who your are going to be. Never lose your innocence. Never lose your creativity. Go take the world by storm and show them all that God has created you to be. Remember to do as I say and not as I do and never think of any day as just ordinary.

Eating Sand

This past week a friend of mine sent me an email containing a letter written by a woman who clearly was battling with what she believed and he was asking for thoughts from the recipients. With the article my friend posed the following questions.

• Is my faith an everlasting attitude of love and grace, or an attitude of convenience and necessity?
• Do we all to often put our hope in earthly material or a higher existence that we can't understand?

These questions and a rough few weeks of my own life circumstances have been plauging my thoughts constantly over the past few days. I am about six months away from being 30 years old and I feel as though I am having a mental breakdown or a mid life crisis of some kind. Oddly enough I know as a fact that I am not the only one experiencing this as I have had conversations initiated by three different friends over the past two weeks who have shared similar struggles and have been questioning where our faith and life actions are leading us? Please read on if you desire to hear and maybe help the scrambled thoughts that have been floating through my head as to how this life seems to have taken a wrong turn.

I don't pretend for a moment that I can understand faith or that I am actively exercising my own in the way God intended. But in answer to my friend's questions I would have to say that our faith is an attitude of convenience and necessity with our hope placed in earthly material. Keep in mind that I answer these questions on a corporate level while understanding that there are many individual believers out there who absolutely have everlasting attitudes of love and grace. But, according to the examples seen in Hebrews 11 and James 2:14-26 faith is accompanied by action and I simply don't see a lot of action in my life or the lives of many around me.

The guys mentioned in Hebrews 11 made big, bold moves. Abraham had the faith to offer his son, whom he had longed for years for, as a sacrifice. Noah had to have been considered the town drunk when by faith he constructed the first cruise ship in his backyard with no rain in sight. What I find interesting is that if you just read Hebrews 11 you would think that God said jump and they immediately responded, "How high?" When you get into their stories, though, you will find that they, just like most of us, had incredible fears, doubts and slip ups along the way. The difference between us and them is that they stepped out in the midst of fear and doubt.

When is the last time that you made a big and bold step? I think most of us are unwilling to give up this life to make big steps of faith and sacrifice now. Trust me, I am not condemning here. I had a heaping taco salad tonight (more food than I needed to eat). I then tucked my children into their separate beds in their separate bedrooms. After writing this I will likely spend a good chunk of my night watching a few hours of prerecorded shows on my DVR and then retire to my bed with the ceiling fan on and my thermostat set comfortably at about 78. Then in the morning I will go off to the job that I am miserable at to make good money that is supposed to be helping to pay of the debt that we incurred 7 years ago when we were buying countless things that we apparently desperately needed to fill the tables of garage sales later. This is the same debt, by the way, that has kept us from doing the very thing we know God has laid on our hearts; that being going to Asia to share his love. What's really sad, but honest, is that shortly after posting this I will day dream about the 42" 1080p we may be getting ourselves for Christmas, which ironically is the holiday celebrating the coming of Jesus, whom I "follow." Meanwhile, although we joke, people all over the world will really go hungry tonight because I felt it was more import to "nacho size" and spend a night in my comfortable home instead of doing something so simple as buying a can of green peas for a local food shelter or turning my thermostat down so I could save a little money to send to people who may actually be suffering. But, I rationalize that I am not so bad. I am not exactly living in the lap of luxury. I just get by with basic "necessities" and a few perks. I deserve it right? What are your "necessities?"

So why do we do this? Why don't we trust that we are not going to miss out on the glories of this world? Why don't we trust that God has something better for us? I believe that I don't put my faith into action, because in utter transparency, it's not important enough to me right now. Eternity is too far away.

This past week in our Life Group (aka ABF, Small Group, Sunday School) we talked about heaven. Ashamedly, it was the first time that I have given more than a glance to the book of Revelation and the promises of heaven. As I looked through Chapter 21 and on into 22 I found that I act out my faith the way I do because I can't comprehend either the physical aspect or the experience of heaven. I truly not excited enough to sacrifice my life because I can't imagine being so impressed by such a place as heaven or by such a being as God to do so. (Follow the rest of my thoughts, I am not saying God doesn't impress me.) While I have a few general examples to form my frame of reference, I still don't know what it will be like to experience and understand the world, the way God intended. I am not sure what no pain and no sadness will feel like, because even on my best of days here, usually something bad happens. I really have no frame of reference to try to understand what it will be like to stand face to face with perfection and complete love and grace. It is inconceivable. Borrowing and personalizing an example I have heard from a close friend, I liken this to Grayson repeatedly stuffing handfuls of sand in his mouth at the beach during our vacation. He settled and at times thoroughly enjoyed the taste of sand because he has never experienced the all you can eat goodness of Texas de Brazil. How can I be really excited about something I can't really comprehend?

"We do not yearn to be near God because we do not find sin utterly repugnant or goodness rapturously attractive."

Kenneth Kantzer

I read this last week and I think it may sum up better than anything where I am at.

So here I am repeating to myself, "Get off your butt, make a sacrifice, take a chance on what God is nudging you to do. He has a better life for you." Meanwhile, as I stand saying this to myself my actions show that I have another handful of sand ready to shovel into my cake hole. If you can understand or comprehend any of my babblings I'd love to hear your thoughts. Let's sharpen one another so that maybe we can move from sand to maybe a bag of Funyun's and on to the great promised Brazilian Churascaria in the sky.